DEAR ABBY: Our 20-year-old son works full time and lives with us. He doesn’t do any household chores or pay us anything, not even his car insurance (which he agreed to pay). He then moved his girlfriend in, and after that a dog, without permission. He has anxiety and depression issues, which he thinks he’s treating with marijuana.
When we try to approach him about his plans for the future, helping out at home or paying anything, it becomes a screaming match with him punching the walls. How do we handle this without a fight? I mean, we could kick them out, but we’re afraid he’ll then move to a bad neighborhood. He’s angry because his friends got to go to college, yet he showed ZERO interest and didn’t have the grades. Your thoughts would be appreciated. — EXASPERATED MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR MOM: Do you want your son to continue to live with you in perpetuity and not assume any responsibility for the privilege? If the answer is yes, continue doing nothing. If the answer is no, then it’s time you and your husband finally assert yourselves.
Tell your son that by now he should have saved enough money from his job for a down payment on an apartment for him, his girlfriend and his dog. Give him a deadline to move. If he has to live in a less desirable neighborhood, so be it. When he starts punching the walls, tell him to stop immediately and, if he doesn’t, call the police. You will be doing all of you a favor.
P.S. Unless your son has been using marijuana with a doctor’s prescription, he is breaking the law in Texas by using it to self-medicate.
DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 30s and have decided to lead a child-free life. I think having a kid in the current state of affairs (rising costs, social injustices, crime, global warming, etc.) is unkind and irresponsible. But I’m worried that I won’t have anyone to look after me if (or when) I am immobilized due to age. What are your thoughts? — WORRIED MILLENNIAL
DEAR MILLENNIAL: Oh, I am SO glad you asked me that! Having a child hoping it will guarantee that you will have someone to care for you in your old age is not old age insurance. There are no guarantees, as anyone who has read my column for any length of time can attest. As you grow older, it will be up to you to provide for your old age by consulting an attorney or a financial planner to ensure you have enough assets in place to assure you will receive the help you think you will need.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I file taxes together every year. I work, and he does as well. But when we get the tax refund, he never gives me a dime. How should I feel or what should I do about this? — STILL WAITING IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR STILL WAITING: If you are working and contributing financially, then you should be entitled to some of that refund. That your husband would refuse to share with you is selfish and controlling. How should you feel? The words frustrated and angry come to mind. What is he doing with the refund money? Could he be applying it to next year’s taxes? What you should “do about” it depends upon how assertive you are willing to be.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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