A parent’s comment about weight has prompted outrage after they told their children that “being fat is a bad thing” while waiting in line at a coffee shop.
A Reddit post published by the parent, under the username u/Millwoodava, has gone viral after they shared the details of the incident, which led to a debate about health, body image and fatphobia online. Since the post was published, it has received over 13,000 upvotes.
Newsweek reached out to u/Millwoodava for comment via Reddit.
Dr. Lara Zibarras, a psychologist and eating disorder recovery coach, gave Newsweek insight into the handling of the situation by the original poster (OP).
In the post, the OP described how their children were asking for donuts at a coffee shop, leading to a discussion about why eating such treats regularly could lead to weight gain. The OP told their children that eating these foods often “will make you fat,” which they framed as a bad outcome.
The OP’s comment was challenged by a group of women standing behind the parent in line, who accused the OP of being discriminatory.
“They started going on about fatphobic…and how you can be obese and healthy at the same time,” the OP wrote, after clarifying that they did not tell their children to “treat fat people poorly” but that being overweight is bad for their health.
Reddit users condemned the parent’s approach—with many speaking from their own experiences. They warned that such language could harm children’s relationship with food and body image.
“My parent was exactly like this, and I struggled with bulimia and anorexia for 20 years and still struggle with hating my body when it’s in healthy shape,” u/MajaBlue wrote. “And pretty much every person I personally know who also suffered from eating disorders had parents that talked this way.”
Another user, u/Soft-Spirit617, said: “You sound like my mother when I was growing up…She even started calling me fat when I objectively wasn’t! And you know what, I eventually did get fat, and I still am today…Don’t shame your kids, don’t ruin their relationship with food, in the end they might end up with an eating disorder.”
What Does An Expert Say?
Zibarras noted that while both the parent and the bystanders had valid points, the issue is mostly in the framing of the message.
“The parent was trying to teach their children about health, but the way it was framed—linking eating donuts with ‘being fat’—brought up deeply ingrained societal messages that equate body size with worth or health,” Zibarras told Newsweek. “The bystanders, likely reacting to the harmful effects of weight stigma, were trying to point out the dangers of framing conversations about health in a way that reinforces fatphobia.”
Zibarras described fatphobia as “prejudice, discrimination or negative attitudes toward people who are overweight or have larger bodies.”
The reason the OP’s comment could have been interpreted as fatphobia, she said, is because of the suggestion that becoming fat is something “bad or shameful.”
“Weight discrimination has been shown to increase stress, lead to unhealthy behaviors like disordered eating and cause people to avoid medical care, which can actually harm health outcomes more than body size itself,” Zibarras said.
Instead, she suggested a more neutral approach on the part of the OP to emphasize healthy choices without attaching shame to body size. “A more helpful way to talk to children might be: ‘Donuts are delicious, and it’s fun to have them sometimes, but eating lots of them all the time doesn’t give our bodies the nutrients they need to feel energized and strong,'” she said.
Zibarras said that a more inclusive approach, such as Health at Every Size (HAES), focuses on behaviors like eating well and staying active without attaching morality to weight.
The post sparked a wider conversation about the difficulties of discussing weight with children. While parents may have every intention of promoting healthy habits, experts like Zibarras warn against associating food with shame or making weight a measure of health. The backlash to the OP’s post appears to highlight a shift in society’s understanding of body image and health—with a growing focus on dismantling weight stigma.
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