DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old divorcee. I am currently dating a Danish man and have been for a year. He asked me to marry him several months ago, and I said yes. He wants me and my daughter to move to Denmark. My daughter is 21 and high-functioning autistic, but she still needs me to help with executive functions.
Several months ago, I lost my second job. I got behind on my rent and was evicted. My daughter and I had no place to go and went to live with a friend in another state. When I asked my fiance if he could please help me a little, he refused and became angry, saying he didn’t want to be a sugar daddy.
He tells me often how much he makes and what he has in the bank. I told him I wasn’t asking for jewelry or fancy clothes, just $2,000 so we wouldn’t lose our home. He told me to ask my ex-husband for the money. Because he refused, my daughter and I were evicted from our home. I eventually found a second job, but the damage had been done.
At the beginning of our relationship, I was up-front about my daughter most likely needing to live with us and asked if it was a deal-breaker. He said no. Now, he wants her to get out as soon as possible, in a foreign country where she doesn’t know the language and has her issues. He also told me I couldn’t keep my cat. When I expressed how this made me feel, he became angry and told me we were through and he wasn’t going to help me.
I am not the kind of person who would take advantage of anyone. I have always worked hard. I feel that family should help each other, and, because we are engaged, our problems should be shared. I don’t know what to do about our relationship now. My daughter is also hurt that he doesn’t want her to be with us. He has said if she stayed, he would get his own apartment. Advice? — GOING ABROAD FROM MARYLAND
DEAR GOING: How many red flags do you need? Your fiance is tight with money even when he knows you are drowning. He has no intention of living under the same roof with your daughter, who may be unable to adjust to that new society. Understand that if you move to Denmark, he isn’t going to change. This is who he is. For your daughter’s sake and your own, end the engagement. This is not the kind of husband you need.
DEAR ABBY: There’s a boy in a grade above me. When he gets mad that a girl doesn’t like him or his friend, he slut-shames them and calls them whores. Girls in my grade have tried to shake it off, but it won’t stop. We don’t want to resort to violence, but we might have to. What should we do? — AT OUR WITS’ END
DEAR WITS’ END: Violence is never the answer. The girls who have been slut-shamed should tell their parents what has been going on and then inform the teachers and the administrators of your school. In the good old days, that boy’s mouth would have been washed out with soap.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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