Straight millennial men are failing to make enough effort on dating apps, contributing to what some describe as a broader “dating crisis,” according to new findings from Feeld, a relationship app geared toward the open-minded.
Feeld’s report, State of Dating Vol. IV, examined the dating app habits of over 2,500 of Feeld’s members, analyzing how individuals engage with dating platforms.
The data, put together with the help of Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist Mona Chalabi, suggests that cultural shifts and user habits, especially those of straight men, may be compounding frustrations in the search for satisfying romantic connection.
Nearly 7 in 10 of the straight millennial men surveyed say they have “never” or “rarely” updated their dating profiles since first creating them. Feeld describes this reluctance as an obstacle to connection, particularly in a modern dating landscape defined by new challenges.
“I see this every single day in my work,” Amber Lee, co-founder of the matchmaking service Select Date Society, told Newsweek. “Many straight millennial men aren’t updating their profiles because they’re emotionally disengaged from the process of dating, not necessarily from the idea of partnership. There have been so many mixed messages sent about masculinity by the media in recent years that have left men feeling discouraged before they even begin.”
She added: “These men stop investing their time and energy when effort hasn’t historically guaranteed results. That can show up as outdated photos, minimal bios, and a passive mindset. Meanwhile, many straight women desire for a man to take the lead and show more effort, leaving them disappointed when men seem to lack effort in their profiles.”
Feeld, which calls itself a platform for the “curious,” provides an inclusive space for people exploring polyamory, kink, non-monogamy, asexuality and other identities. The app’s report sought to better understand why so many users are reporting dissatisfaction when it comes to dating, especially when many believe they are making consistent efforts to find a good match.
Interestingly, the findings revealed clear differences in how men and women approach online dating.
For example, men are 1.2 times more likely to report never completing their “About” section. In contrast, women are 1.4 times more likely to say they update their bios often. Meanwhile, 27.8 percent of women, 2.6 times the number of men who responded this way, say they modify their bios to “pre-empt common questions, warn others of dealbreakers, or attract certain types of attention.”
It is clear that when it comes to online dating, many women are making an effort where men are not.
Feeld found that search preferences also differ by gender. Men typically set shorter maximum distances for their matches, suggesting they are more selective geographically, and would prefer to connect with someone closer to home.
Women, however, tend to maintain higher distance maximums, even after multiple profile edits—which would widen the net from which they could match with someone, and boost their chances of finding a suitable partner.
It is safe to say that the broader landscape of romantic relationships has undergone dramatic transformation, influenced by cultural, economic and technological changes. With it now being considered acceptable in more societies to opt for long-distance relationships, polyamorous relationships, casual flings, open relationships and other types of connection that go against the traditional grain, it can be more difficult for people to find a partner that aligns with what they want.
Additionally, most contemporary couples expect more from each other than in generations past. Where partners once primarily fulfilled roles in child-rearing or household labor, today’s relationships are often viewed as central to emotional fulfillment and personal growth.
This has raised the bar for compatibility—and, with it, the frustration of unmet expectations.
Dating app dynamics may also play a role in what researchers have described as cognitive overload. The appearance of having endless options at just a swipe can leave users paralyzed by choice, contributing to disengagement or half-hearted effort—particularly among men, according to the study’s findings.
In 2023, nearly 50 percent of Americans reported being single, with the rate of married individuals dropping while the number of those who had never been married rose. At the same time, around 30 percent of the adult population reported using dating apps.
“Millennial and even Gen Z men are facing a combination of economic pressure, identity shifts, and a superficial dating culture based on swiping through photos vs creating meaningful connection,” Lee said. “Women absolutely feel like they are taking on the burden here.
“When men disengage from effort early it foreshadows how they may approach communication, planning, and emotional labor in a relationship. Women are not becoming pickier, but they are trying to vet potential matches to make sure that they are not wasting their time.
“The bottom line is that a lot of men complain that they don’t feel chemistry with anyone they have matched with on dating apps. The real problem isn’t lack of chemistry; It’s a lack of effort.”
The matchmaker said that the men who typically win in modern dating are the ones who treat it like a priority, not a hobby.
As she puts it: “Straight women are looking for the men they date to show that they can prioritize love from the very beginning, and that starts with the effort they out into their dating profile.”
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