The clash between mothers-in-law eager to visit and new parents desperate for space is a scenario that is all too familiar for freshly postpartum moms.
Abbie Hightower (@ab.hightower) posted a reel on Instagram where she acts out both sides of the conversation.
A mother-in-law questions why she isn’t invited to visit immediately after the birth, only to be told gently but firmly that the new mom simply wants her own mother present during such a vulnerable time.
“Postpartum is super emotional and difficult,” Hightower’s character explains. “She’s coming over not as a grandma, but as a mom to help me during this really vulnerable time.”
Hightower, 25, who is mom to Salah, 4, and twins Solen and Sirae, both 11 months, with husband Christopher, 27, told Newsweek that her skits are rooted in real experiences shared by her followers online.
“I get a ton of messages and comments from parents and moms experiencing these issues seeking advice and help or requesting a skit to be made, showing how I would handle it,” Hightower said.
Boundaries are a key component of her viral social-media posts. Hightower said that the postpartum period is one of the most-delicate stages in a woman’s life, a time when both physical recovery and emotional upheaval collide.
“There is so much going on, between caring for a brand-new baby—or babies, in my case—healing physically, and dealing with the insane hormone shifts,” Hightower said.
“It is so important for a mom to be able to feel safe and comfortable during this time,” she added. Setting boundaries during pregnancy, Hightower said, helps ensure new parents can shape the postpartum experience in a way that best supports their needs.
Hightower’s reel went viral on Instagram, amassing over 450,000 views and hundreds of comments from other moms who can relate to the situation.
“I want my mom. Just like the word NO, needs no explaining,” one user wrote.
“My mom was the only person I wanted too,” another agreed.
A soon-to-be grandpa said: “If my daughter-in-law only wants her mom then I will drop off meals, offer to do laundry or run any errands they need. I love my daughter-in-law and will do whatever makes her comfortable.”
At the same time, the video has sparked criticism from some who view boundaries as a “buzzword.”
To the mom of three, that pushback says more about the critics than the concept itself. Hightower said: “I personally feel as though the people who are angry and disagree with boundaries are the people who maybe wanted to set boundaries for themselves but never had the courage to do so.”
While the reel focuses on mothers-in-law, Hightower said that the takeaway is broader: extended family members should approach the postpartum period with humility and openness.
“You have to meet moms where they want to be met,” Hightower said. “There is nothing wrong with excitement, but you have to remember this is her postpartum experience and this is her new baby.”
Something as simple as asking, ‘How can I support you?’ can open the door to meaningful communication.
For new grandparents in particular, Hightower said, the stakes are high. “How you treat her during her pregnancy and postpartum will dictate how she feels about you moving forward.”
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