DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have four children, two of whom have congenital health issues we’ve been managing. One child is leading a “normal” life and is a spunky little kid. Our other child may be more impacted down the road, and we continue to seek answers. If people ask how either one of them is doing, we are open to sharing. Depending on how close we are to family or friends, we may share a bit more or a bit fewer of the details. It’s an approach that has been working, and in return, we mostly receive supportive feedback.
The issue is that my father-in-law always has a comment to make. I am sure he means well, but he tends to give responses like, “Oh, that’s probably nothing,” “Well, she looks fine to me,” or “One day, this will all be behind you.” It gets under my skin. His responses are either dismissive of our concerns or they downplay the extent of the illness, especially when it’s related to the underlying health concerns.
I always bite my tongue. With our more impacted child, I have been hesitant to share anything because I don’t want to hear his comments. The matter is serious from what we know right now, and my husband did share some of it with his parents because he felt they needed to know. With things now in the open, I expect follow-up questions from them.
To prepare for more comments, how can I respectfully let my FIL know they are unnecessary and, at times, hurtful to us because we are doing so much to care for our children? I’m afraid one of his next comments will be the last straw for me, and I don’t want to react disrespectfully. — ANXIOUS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR DIL: Your father-in-law may be attempting to put a positive spin on a difficult subject when he downplays the problems your child is facing. The way to deal with this would be to gather your thoughts and have an honest conversation with him about how it makes you feel. If you do, there is less likelihood of your exploding upon hearing what may be his attempt to be supportive.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing for your help in bringing attention to a disability issue I find unacceptable. I am partially deaf. I use closed captions on televisions and online. However, I am increasingly frustrated that televisions in public places like hospitals, doctors’ waiting rooms, restaurants, etc., never have closed captions activated. Public places are required to have disability parking, so why can’t my disability be accommodated? I’m hoping you can make these public places aware of this simple accommodation for the hearing-impaired public. — CINCINNATI CC ADVOCATE
DEAR CC ADVOCATE: In many regions and many businesses, it is the norm to mute the volume and turn on the captions for the comfort of everyone. Often, the television chatter is an unwelcome distraction, or, in a more social space, it would be impossible to hear the audio even if you wanted to.
For those who haven’t caught on that this is the practical way to go, I’m happy to spread the word. In public areas, television programs are better seen than heard!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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