A South Carolina couple with a 34-year age gap has shared their “relationship non-negotiables,” sparking controversy with some saying they are too “strict” and questioning whether a relationship with such a gap will last.
“I’m 26, and I’m 60, and these are non-negotiables in our age-gap relationship,” Gracen Greagen, 26, and her husband Kevin Greagan, aged 60, begin their viral video, sitting on deck chairs in their lake house in Greenville, SC.
Their first non-negotiable is that they pray together daily.
“Something we’ve implemented in our marriage is that we pray together every single night … It’s the last thing we do,” they said.
“Regardless of your faith, the intentionality that goes into expressing gratitude … it’s a great way to centre ourselves together and individually.”
Their second rule is that they don’t drink unless they’re with each other.
“There’s a vulnerability in drinking and being intoxicated, and that’s not something I wanna be without my partner present,” the 60-year-old said.
He added, “This was a decision we each made individually. We didn’t impose it on one another … Rather than looking at [it] as limiting or controlling, we look at it as uniquely special and uniquely committed to one another.”
He also noted that, “You can’t have two or three or four or five drinks unless you have one drink. And I just choose not to do that when I’m out alone.”
Rule three is that they serve each other even through conflict.
“It’s easy to serve somebody when it’s [hot] and sunny, but when a thunderstorm rolls through … it becomes a little more difficult,” Kevin said.
“The disagreement can stand on its own … it’s not going to affect our kindness and courtesy toward one another.
“If you get a head massage from somebody that’s pissed off at you, you know you’re loved.”
And the last one is not keeping score.
“[My father] said that a lot of couples, their goal is to each give 50 per cent … he said that’s a terrible goal in a marriage. It should be 100 per cent each,” the 26-year-old said.
“You both give your all, and that’s how you can make it work,” Kevin added.
“The worst thing a person can do is keep a list, or even take notes on their phone of the ways they’ve been slighted – don’t do that. Don’t keep it in your heart or mind, release it.”
In the comments, people took issue with the “strict” rules, specifically the alcohol one.
“If you don’t ‘allow’ one another to consume alcohol without your significant other, this only proves your lack of self-control. Whether the lack of self-control stems from an internal source or external, this only proves irresponsibility,” one said.
Someone else said the rules felt “forced” rather than “organic.”
Relationship expert Beck Thompson told news.com.au that she doesn’t see anything inherently wrong with the couple’s rules.
“Praying together, not keeping score, showing up with kindness even when you’re in conflict – these are things I encourage in my own clients,” the head coach at the Relationship Circle said.
“The issue isn’t the rules themselves, it’s the language around them. The moment you call something a ‘non-negotiable rule’ in a relationship, it shifts the tone from connection to compliance. Healthy couples tend to arrive at these things naturally, not announce them like a contract.”
The relationship coach also noted the alcohol non-negotiable was slightly concerning.
“On the surface, choosing not to drink alone sounds like a boundaries conversation. But when you’re pre-emptively defending it to the internet before anyone’s even asked, that’s worth paying attention to,” she said.
“Defensiveness is usually a signal that, on some level, you already know something looks off.”
There were also many comments on the video about their age-gap relationship.
“This is how bad I want a lake house,” someone wrote.
Others implied the woman was a gold digger.
“I also hate working,” one quipped.
“Excited that my wife could be born in three years,” someone else teased.
“The internet is going to pile on any age-gap relationship, and a lot of that reaction is kneejerk,” Thompson says.
“A 34-year age gap isn’t automatically a problem. Adults get to choose who they love.”
The couple has also clapped back at the critics, saying they’re okay that “not everyone understands” their relationship.
They also insist that none of the rules are about “restriction” or “control.”
“People hear rules and they think control, but we hear clarity and alignment,” she said.
“It’s not for everyone, but it works for us. So you do you, and we’ll do us.”
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