When children begin showing interest in dating, it marks a significant developmental shift—not just for them, but for their parents too.
According to psychologists, this stage often brings unexpected emotions, as parents adjust to a changing relationship dynamic and a growing sense of their child’s independence.
So when actress and author Jenny Mollen spoke openly about her discomfort as her 12-year-old son began showing interest in girls, it brought renewed attention to a stage many parents can struggle with.
Mollen, who shares sons Sid, 12, and Lazlo, 8, with actor and ex-husband Jason Biggs, wrote a Substack essay titled “Please. Stay. I want you. I need you. Oh, God,” that has circulated widely online this week.
“Call me old-fashioned, but I only want my sons to marry women with dead mothers,” the mom of two wrote. “It’s my only shot at staying relevant, of seeming useful and of winning by comparison.”
The 47-year-old also drew criticism after posting photos of herself and her eldest son embracing on a bed, with some social media users questioning whether such moments should be shared publicly.
In the essay, Mollen reflected on her discomfort as her eldest son began texting girls, describing the experience as emotionally difficult and marked by what she called “anticipatory grief.”
While reactions have been mixed, experts told Newsweek the discussion highlights a broader and often misunderstood stage of parenting.
Dr. Lauren Mahoney, a psychologist at Authentically Living Psychological Services, PLLC, explained that the focus is often placed solely on adolescent development, overlooking what parents experience during the same period.
“When a child begins showing interest in dating, parents are not simply witnessing their child enter a new developmental stage,” Mahoney said. “They are entering a new stage of parenthood themselves.”
That shift can bring unexpected emotions. Many parents expect to feel worried, but are often surprised to experience grief—not because something is wrong, but because their child is growing up and becoming more independent.
“Sometimes, what unsettles parents is not the dating itself, it is the realization that their child is beginning to make choices independently of them,” Mahoney said. “For many parents, that is the first tangible reminder that influence and control are not the same thing.”
Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist, said this transition represents a significant emotional turning point—something she described as the “first breakup” of parenting.
“Nothing is actually ending, but the relationship is changing,” she told Newsweek. “During adolescence, healthy development requires children to gradually shift some of that emotional energy toward building an identity outside the family. This process can feel bittersweet, particularly for parents who have been involved and emotionally connected.”
This shift also raises important questions about boundaries—particularly in an era where family moments are frequently shared online.
“Healthy closeness includes affection, warmth, emotional availability, guidance and support,” Elton said. “Blurred boundaries emerge when a parent struggles to tolerate the child’s growing independence, relies on the child for emotional fulfillment.”
Research on adolescent development suggests that young people benefit most when parents balance connection with autonomy, remaining present without limiting independence.
For example, studies show that around one-third of teens have been in a romantic relationship, with researchers finding that these early experiences play a key role in developing communication skills, self-expression and emotional understanding that carry into adulthood.
For parents navigating this stage, Elton said that the goal is not to withdraw, but to adapt.
“As parents, we are asked to hold our children close enough to feel secure and loosely enough to let them become who they are meant to be and explore the world while knowing they always have a safe place to return to,” she said.
Mahoney said it is also important to remember that separation is not rejection.
“When adolescents seek greater independence, it is usually a sign that they are progressing through a healthy developmental process, not pulling away from the relationship,” she said.
Mahoney encouraged parents to focus on their own growth during this transition, continuing to develop their identities, interests and relationships as their children expand theirs.
“Perhaps the most reassuring message for parents is this: when your child begins turning toward the world, it does not mean they need you less,” she said. “It means they are growing exactly as they are supposed to. The relationship is not ending, it is evolving and it is okay.”
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