In a society that’s constantly striving for perfection, it’s easy to be hyper critical of ourselves at every turn. But after years of struggling with her self-image, an unexpected theory has helped one millennial woman make an eye-opening realization.
For much of her life, Avi Gill, 32, overanalyzed every feature on her body and stared at imperfections like they had a spotlight on them. When she looked in a mirror or at a photo of herself, she was filled with dread and panic.
It became a vicious cycle, as Gill, of Vancouver, Canada, told Newsweek that she had always thought her self-worth was “tied to [her] appearance.” She would focus on every hair out of place or any flaw she perceived and equated that to her value.
“I would overanalyze every photo, compare myself to others, and constantly feel like I didn’t look good enough,” Gill said.
It’s a similar story for many, as 51 percent of Americans feel pressured to have a certain body type, according to a YouGov poll.
But that changed when the millennial came across what she calls the “never meant to see our faces theory” about how the invention of mirrors shaped modern society. The idea is that we weren’t supposed to see our reflections this much, and the fact that we’re surrounded by our own appearance makes us think more about how we look.
In his 2016 book titled Millennium: From Religion to Revolution: How Civilization Has Changed Over a Thousand Years, historian Ian Mortimer explained that the development of glass mirrors marked “a crucial shift” because people could see themselves properly for the first time.
Prior to that, people had to make do with bronze or copper mirrors, or merely a pool of water.
But when the glass mirror was invented in around 1300 and glass lenses were developed, there was a significant rise in people being able to see what they looked like. Indeed, many were even encouraged to commission their own portraits, according to Mortimer, as people could appreciate their own appearance. It was the equivalent to the modern-day Instagram post.
Mortimer hypothesized that when people saw themselves in a mirror, or represented in a portrait, they viewed themselves in a different way. They felt unique and aware of their own qualities. Gone was the collective identity felt by a community, replaced with an individualism that gave people a newfound sense of self-worth.
How Has This Concept Helped?
After learning about this theory, Gill was struck by how much she related to it.
She said: “The theory, called ‘we were never meant to see our faces this much’ really got me thinking. When there were no mirrors, photos, or social media, seeing your own face was rare. People were focused on their lives, families, experiences, work. Not on how they looked from every angle.
“Today, we see our reflections constantly. We wake up, check the mirror, take selfies, record videos, and scroll through social media filled with faces (many of them filtered or edited). Before we didn’t define ourselves by our looks. But now, we analyze, compare, and judge ourselves in ways we were never meant to.”
As a result, she shared her thoughts on social media (@beingandbecomingavi on Instagram and TikTok) and the video went viral. It has amassed over 7.4 million views on Instagram, and 2.6 million on TikTok already.
This has become a growing trend online, as many people are taking to social media to spread the word.
The concept has changed so much for Gill, as it’s given her a new understanding and taught her to be kinder to herself.
“For so long, every time I saw my reflection, I would stop and analyze myself, my face, my body, every flaw, every imperfection, every hair out of place. But this theory made me realize that we were never supposed to form an identity based on our looks,” Gill told Newsweek.
She continued: “Now, when I take a photo, I remind myself that even if I don’t like how I look, that’s not who I am. And when I see people online, I remind myself that’s not who they are either. If I catch myself being too critical, I remind myself that I was never supposed to analyze my face this much to begin with.”
Psychiatrist Dr. Ashwini Nadkarni, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has highlighted the impact of this by telling Newsweek that our society is shaped “by an unprecedented level of self-display.”
Similarly to Mortimer, she suggests this constant comparison with others can impact people’s self-esteem and their sense of self.
Nadkarni said: “We are continuously exposed to curated versions of ourselves and others, and engaging in social comparison. Research shows that people can develop unrealistic expectations, and a powerful drive to seek validation through through further self-presentation.”
It’s not authentic to compare ourselves to what we see online, which is why Nadkarni suggests it can create more negativity in people’s self-perception.
Her advice is to take breaks from social media and think carefully about what it means to be authentic in this constantly filtered world.
“For instance, one can be intentional about consciously capturing moments with photos that don’t include a selfie so as to cultivate a mindful awareness and instead redirect one’s attention to other subjects such as landscapes around us,” Nadkarni told Newsweek.
Using It To Empower Others
As the owner of her brand, Being & Becoming, Gill has learnt that what really matters is what she has to say, not how she looks. She feels empowered as she sees herself as more than just a photo or a reflection now.
Of course, it takes a while to unlearn old habits, but she’s so much happier now. She has also limited how often she looks in the mirror, which turned out to be very powerful. She only looks in a mirror when necessary, rather than at every opportunity.
By sharing her discovery, Gill hopes to encourage others to delve into the theory and see how it could help them.
She said: “I knew this idea resonated with me, but I didn’t expect millions of people to connect with it. Many have told me they struggled with self-image just like I did, but they never understood why until now. It’s like something finally clicked and they realized they weren’t alone.
“That’s exactly what I hoped for when I started my account: to share things I wish I heard sooner and to help people see themselves in a better light. In the end, people don’t remember you for how symmetrical your face is or how clear your skin looks. They remember the way you made them feel.”
Among the thousands of comments on Instagram and TikTok, many thanked Gill for her enlightening thoughts.
One comment reads: “This is so wise beyond your years. I am a middle-aged woman, and I still struggle. I will save this video and watch it.”
Another person wrote: “You’re not an image. You’re an experience.”
While another Instagram user added: “Such beautiful words thank you for speaking the truth.”
Do you have any viral videos or pictures that you want to share? We want to see the best ones! Send them in to life@newsweek.com and they could appear on our site.
Read the full article here
