For Madison Thorne, 22, the depths of despair once felt inescapable.
Grappling with chronic illness, an unstable childhood and the looming reality of her mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis, Thorne reached a breaking point. Yet, in a moment that would forever alter her path, her mother, Kristen, then 37, used her strength to show up for her daughter in a way Thorne will never forget.
Thorne shared a glimpse of the moment her mother danced outside of her hospital room to cheer her up after a suicide attempt in a TikTok video. Thorne told Newsweek about how her mother’s act of support brought her back from the brink of hopelessness.
“[Suicide] attempts are so strange … like what do you mean my mom with terminal cancer was outside my hospital dancing every night after seeing me, cause she wasn’t ready to leave her baby?” Thorne captioned the video. “Sobbing making this, but I miss you so so much momma. You’d be so proud now.”
Thorne said her bond with her mother was forged through adversity, making them incredibly close.
“My momma struggled with keeping a stable home growing up, and we moved around a lot, making my momma my best friend, as I wasn’t able to keep friendships in school till about middle school,” Thorne shared.
Compounding the instability and a family history of mental-health struggles, Thorne also lived with Type 1 diabetes. Then, her mom was diagnosed with cancer the day after her 10th birthday.
The cumulative weight of these challenges pushed her to the brink.
“My life was by no means easy growing up, and my little brain didn’t know how to manage,” Thorne said. “I attempted to take my life. I was exhausted from life and everything I knew I had yet to even deal with, like her passing. I never believed I would survive … without her.”
During her hospital stay following a suicide attempt, the moment of profound love unfolded. Thorne and her mother had always bonded over dancing, especially “the little TikTok trends that were everywhere in 2020,” she said. So, on one particularly difficult day, her mother told her to look outside.
“She told me to watch outside my window, pointed where to look, and about 20 minutes later, she was waving at me with the biggest smile on her face, blowing me a kiss and then doing her TikTok video [dance],” Thorne said.
The sight was overwhelming for her.
“I was sitting in my room crying happy tears that she didn’t care what anyone around might’ve thought about her—all for me,” Thorne said. The next time they spoke, her mother made a deep promise: “She told me she would dance every time she saw me in the hospital till I can do the dance with her and show her ‘fans’ how strong her baby is for winning around battle.
“She never lost faith in me or my ability to get better,” Thorne added. “She was my biggest fan and only ever pushed me to be my best self always, and, if not today, then try again tomorrow.”
‘I Am Still Here’
Kristen passed away on November 29, 2020. Now, Thorne said she strives daily to honor her mother’s legacy: “I do my best to slightly be the women she was; she will forever be my role model and inspiration to keep going.
“Losing my mom was the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I didn’t plan to live past that day,” Thorne said. However, on the very day her mother died, her little brother made her promise she wouldn’t leave him, too.
“[It] shattered my heart,” Thorne said. “Knowing my mother, she would’ve been angry if I left him alone.”
These promises hold profound weight for Thorne as she navigates profound grief.
“Promises are very serious around here,” she said. While she still grapples with mental-health struggles, she now attends group therapy when needed, refusing to give up.
“I refuse to take my life away as I watched how much it can change a family and the people closest to you,” Thorne said. She added that she is dedicated to guiding her younger brother—showing him “how to be all the things [my mom] was and how to follow in her footsteps.”
Thorne said that her mother “would be proud of how far we have come—and that I am still here in her honor.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “988” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org
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